Living with Intentionality
Written by: Kally Doyle
Intentionality, or doing something with a purpose and a goal, is something I strive to consciously incorporate into my daily life and something I really focus on with my therapy clients. Living with intention and purpose is something that sounds obvious, but I think often when we begin to really break down our life choices and explore our inner world we realize we don’t always have a clear intention.
Intentionality is defined as “the fact of being deliberate or purposive”. Simply put, it means that every time we say or do something in our lives, we should have a clear reason behind doing so. This reason should align with our goals and our values. For example, if I make the choice to distance myself from a certain individual in my life, doing so with intentionality would mean I have taken this step because I have decided this person is not a healthy influence, acts in ways that are not congruent with how I want myself or those I am close with to act, etc. Without setting an intention behind an action, we risk not being able to create new habits (or stick to them), acting impulsively, starting up new projects without being able to finish them, being inconsistent in our personal relationships, feeling a constant internal tug-of-war with ourselves, and more.
Learning to be more intentional is indeed an invaluable skill, but it does not develop overnight. Often times many of us try to be more intentional, only to find ourselves falling back into the same old patterns we tried so hard to get rid of. I see this a lot in my young adult clients in regards to social media use. Someone will create the goal of staying of a social media site more often, only to report to me next session they are back on it and disappointed in themselves for not being able to stay off of it longer. We then typically explore what their intention was behind deleting the app or taking a break, to which I often hear “I’m tired of comparing myself to others” or something of the like. Now, that is a valid reason for wanting to avoid something, but is it actually an intention?
Of course the answer to that goes beyond something I can universally point to on behalf of everyone who has struggled with social media issues. However, right off-the-cuff I would say that what makes an intention is that it is defined by purpose and it feeds into a greater, deeper goal. Why does social media use bother you so much? Why do you want to stop comparing yourself as much to influencers? Intentionality helps you define why a behavior is occurring, where it stems from, and which direction you would like to move with that behavior in order to help you live a life that is closest to your truest self.
You can develop a stronger sense of intentionality through a variety of ways. I would first recommend psychotherapy with a licensed therapist who specializes in insight-building therapy. Insight-oriented therapy (such as Psychodynamic therapy, attachment-based therapies, psychoanalysis, Gesalt therapy) is built upon the premise that when we gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and our patterns, emotions, relationships, and unconscious mind, we are able to then create longer-lasting change in our lives that lead to an increased sense of confidence and fulfillment. That being said, knowing ourselves better leads to stronger boundaries, a solid sense of self, and, you guessed it, greater clarity on our intentions in life. One of the biggest and most crucial skills that comes out of receiving our own therapy is the ability to reflect. Reflection is not something often taught to us otherwise, and it takes time and vulnerability to develop it. Learning how to self-reflect helps us make choices that align more with who we want to be, where we want to be, and it helps us have a deeper connection with others and with ourselves.
Secondly, I would recommend learning how to meditate and doing so consistently. Meditation can be defined as a set of techniques that are intended to encourage a heightened state of awareness and focused attention. I also like to conceptualize it as a way of being, versus just a set of exercises one can do. Starting out with short exercises that your therapist teaches you, or that you find on youtube is a great way to learn to embody this way of being over time. Meditation helps you become more in tune with your own thoughts, feelings, and body sensations while learning to practice having a non-judgmental attitude towards yourself. To learn how to meditate, I recommend asking your therapist to provide you with education about it as well as exercises to start incorporating into your life. You can also find short exercises on sites such as Youtube; I recommend looking up a 1-5 minute breathing exercise or body scan to help introduce you to what it’s like to sit with yourself in the present moment. Meditation ultimately helps you gain awareness and compassion for yourself, which in turn can help you set clearer intentions behind your everyday actions.
In conclusion, I hope it is now clear why living with intentionality is not just important, it is fundamental. It not only helps us reach our goals, but it also helps us feel more secure in ourselves and more at peace inside. Intentionality serves as a guide for our life choices and it is the backbone of discipline. Without it, life will feel scattered, unorganized, pointless, and difficult. Learning how to have self-reflection as a skill is invaluable to understanding ourselves better and being able to live with more intentionality.
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